I remember a moment from kindergarten. It was a bittersweet moment. I had started school and invited several friends to my birthday party right after school. I remember running home from the school bus full of excitement and joy. The local neighborhood children arrived and I was very happy. As time continued to pass no others came knocking. I was sad. I was no longer happy for those that were there I was only angry at those that didn't come. Still today I dont know why they didn't come or why they didn't call. But that day, that moment I knew it was all my mother's fault.
This is the time in my life when I learned to use anger to escape the myraid of feelings I didn't know how to cope with.
It wasn't long before I learned that anger also won me the prize of attention. When I lashed out at home my mother would respond. When I lashed out at the babysitter's my mom would come home. When I lashed out in school I got the attention of the teachers, the principal and as an added bonus the kids were always talking about me on the playground.
This behavior also brought me to be exiled and alienated to the portable classroom outback. This class room housed 6 boys and me + 2 very special teachers. I loved this class and the attention I was given. It is in this classroom that I found I had a thirst for knowlege. They didn't hold me back if I wanted more I got more. If I wanted different I got different. This classroom was wonderful. It was when I had to leave the classroom that life got hard. All the kids would tease and ridicule. My friends were only my friends when no one else was around. I was isolated and afraid (Isn't this how most addicts begin?)
posted by freedom14 @ 2:27 PM
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