I find some things ironic.
I was born in October so October is a special month. Halloween is / was my holiday. I celebrated my birthday from the 1st to the 30th and it all ended with Halloween. I was very big into costumes and held parties every year. These were the parties people talked about.
October 31, 1997 I woke around 11:30 am to a delivery. It was a rather large delivery in preparation for that evenings runs and the party to follow. My daughter came home from Kindergarten attempting to show me the art she accomplished that day. But, in all the frenzy over the delivery I sent her away. The next thing I know my friend is at the bedroom door telling me there was a man there for me. This wasn’t just any man, it was the man. The head of the Metro Narcotics Squad. Ironic. Isn’t it.
Even though I didn’t get clean that day I see it as the day the rescue began. My daughter spent that night trick or treating with strangers. She was placed in a shelter until someone could take custody of her. See I was deemed unworthy. That was one of the saddest days of my life. But, it didn’t stop me from attempting to run from the pain. I ran long and I ran hard.
Halloween changed my life. I learned how something that was mine, only mine, could definitely be taken away from me. I learned that as a nonconformist I had better conform if I ever wanted to have my child in my life again. I learned that cops are ruthless. That as they physically assaulted people my daughter called family in front of her, they justified it by emotionally assaulting me. They reminded me that this would not be happening if I wasn’t who I was. They threatened that I would never see her again. “I believed them”
I didn’t think that I could get clean. I didn’t think my life would change. I had seen this happen to others and they never saw their children again (sooner or later). I knew I was an addict and I knew that I liked doing the things I did. The thing that got me through this time was I didn’t like the consequences. So I admitted I am an addict, I have no where clean to go, I can’t stop using. With in months I was incarcerated and subsequently sent to treatment. I found that clean place to go; I met people who didn’t use. I learned how to go out in the daylight. I was no longer paranoid around “normal” people.
That day was the biggest BOO of my life. That day something happened. It was something more than a raid, something more than criminal charges, something more than losing my child. That day the divine intervened. Strike force was simply a vehicle. Since then no other Halloween can compare. I haven’t been frightened since, I haven’t celebrated it since.
Trick or Treat everyone.
posted by freedom14 @ 12:36 PM
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