Reagan's 18!
March 19,1992 @ 12:28 pm born into this world was Reagan Mae. 7 lbs 12 oz, 20.5 inches long. What little hair you did have was tinted red and you came to this world with your eyes wide open. You were not shy and timid but bold and outspoken even before you could speak.
Along the way you have amazed me. At first it was the amount of love that overflowed my heart. The way that I knew from the moment I kissed your fingers the first time that I would do anything for you. I was blessed to have you and I knew it that first moment. You continued to amaze me with your intelligence and beauty. You were always exploring and curious. Once you understood that those letters in the book were the key to the story you began immediately putting the sounds together and would no longer allow me to read to you. You read to me. It was slow and I was impatient but you never faltered. You would do it. You have always been witty with a wonderful sense of humor that has always been much older than your age. You have a way at winning the hearts of the people around you. You would always crack up all of my friends and many times I was sure they hung out with me to be entertained by you. You first began to express your independence through the way that you dressed. This was always so frustrating for me but I learned to take it in stride. I always wanted you to grow into a strong and independent woman and today I believe you are well on your way. Even though it pains me so much to let you go.
I know I have not always been the best parent or mother. I made so many mistakes and unfortunately you were affected. The odds were stacked against us. I was much too young to be a mother and add to that it was just you and I for much of those first 8 years. It wasn’t fair to you but you were given the responsibility of motivating and inspiring me to change my life. I know today you do not understand this but one day you will. I am who I am because of the love I have for you. I didn’t know it then but I am fully aware today that it is not that way for every parent. The disease of addiction is strong and many struggle to recover. Because of you there was no question that I would. And today when I see the remarkable woman you are becoming I realize even the tough days are worth it.
I remember watching you grow and thinking to myself it would always just be you and me against the world. That wasn’t the case though and into our life came the man that would become your father. I am so proud of you for that decision. Not every child gets to choose its parents and you chose well my love. I am so grateful that you were given the gift of a father that loves you and that God knew I needed help and support to help you in become the best person you can be. Heaven knows I have been strict and that I prefer to tell you no. God knew you needed your dad so you could hear yes when you should. I hope you understand that the fear I have is a result of my love for you. It has always been that way and I know it drives you crazy. One day when you have your own children (a long , long, long time from now) you will understand why I tried to shelter you. You will understand this irrational fear. Hopefully though you will have learned from your dad how to have faith that you have taught your child well.
That is what I will do today. The best gift I can give you is to let you know, I know we have given you the tools to begin your journey. You get to choose what you do with those tools. I will always be here for you to help and support you. I will continue to cheer you on and shed tears of joy when you dance. This is the most important dance I will watch; for now you begin the dance of life.
posted by freedom14 @ 5:17 PM
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