30 "something" years ago today I came to this life. This is something I have pondered each year as I have matured. What would this world have been like if this young being had not been born. Would anyone have noticed that something was missing?
I like to think that I live my life in such away that the answer to that question is yes. I know had that moment not occurred two other, equally special beings would not have come to this place called life. It is hard to believe in my short time here that I have actually lived two extremely different existences. I existed in a world of addiction for 23 years. It started with that of my mother and progressed to my very own manifestation of the disease. I wonder did I ask my father to allow me to live that journey. Is that something I knew I would endure when I came to this place. As terrible as I was and awful as it all felt I like to think I was a good addict, that I had some semblance of integrity even when my mind was not functioning at an acceptable level. What was I to take from that experience? How do I apply that into me today?
When I found recovery and the opportunity to live like other humans I attempted to find a place I called normal. I chose to emulate my definition of normal for my child. Although I will never be normal, I can provide that for her. The desire and passion for affording my child something different than what was given to me has turned into a desire and passion to provide that for other children just like her. Along the way I have been blessed with a marriage unsurpassed by others. (at least that is my opinion) and another child that I strive to ensure he never has to see me or his father use. This journey has been amazing. Did my HP allow me to experience the first 23 years to ensure I can fulfill my legacy now. Did my HP provide those years so I would have the humility to understand the families I work with, the hope that they too can become something they never imagined. I like to hope so. I like to hope that I wasn't just dealt this hand but that I selected each challenge personally.
I believe that in this life I will never know what the world would have been like with out me. It is my desire to ensure that since I am in it, that I live in such away that people are glad that I am here living this journey beside them. I am so grateful to all of those I am blessed to share this journey with. Thank you so much for loving me as I am and allowing me to experience my own growing pains as we walk this spiritual path together.
posted by freedom14 @ 7:28 AM
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