For some reason every year when I get older it feels like just another day. But then along comes March when my little girl she gets older and then I of course become ancient!!!
My daughter will be 14 on Sunday. 14.........I have not lived long enough nor have I had enough experiences for my child to be 14. How will I do this with out really screwing her up? This child is so independent, so completely different from me. Exactly what I set out to create 14 years ago.
March 19, 1992 I waddled my way into the hospital a scheduled induction. I was but 17 years old but I knew that I would far surpass my mother when it came to being a parent. My daughter was going to be beautiful, fashionable and my best friend. I just knew that I was far too cool to not get what I wanted. My daugther would get to do what she wanted. She would be anything she dreamed.
Little did I know being a parent is the most difficult task I have ever under taken. I have been successful at just about everything I have tried. I mean I was a great drug dealer, I was the perfect victim in an abusive relationship, I was a model inmate, I am great at recovery (it doesn't take much just dont pick up), I breezed through my bachelors degree and graduate with honors. But, I am a terrible parent so She tells me.
When I was 17 I didn't know that I too would want to protect my daughter from herself. I didn't realize that just being mom made me uncool. I didn't realize that the bond, the love the gentle heartbeat that I cherished at one day old would turn into this screaming hormone infested young woman. I didn't realize that I would look at her beauty at 14 and have to arrest the urge to chain her in the basement for the rest of her life to keep her near and close to me.
So today, reality has set in. I am the strict mom, I am the unfair mom, I am a mom.
My daughter has blossomed in to a beautiful blonde bombshell, she is bright and intelligent, she is witty and charming. She dances like no other and loves to be a little social butterfly. I like to think I had something to do with her great personality. I like to think I played a part in her not having to experience life as I did.
I like to think that she can talk to me about anything (not that she does) but that she can. I like to think that when she chooses to share her joy or her pain with me that she gets an attentive response (even if I am just rolling my eyes). She knows that I am there for her, that I love her and that I care about what is happening to her and what might happen to her. I am the mother bear and I will protect and defend my little girl.........
Happy Birthday Baby & no your not getting a cell phone........yet!
posted by freedom14 @ 10:13 AM
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